“I saw that nothing was permanent. You don’t want to possess anything that is dear to you because you might lose it.” ~ Yoko Ono
I’ve come to learn that the entrance into a relationship, is much like the first day of school. When we meet someone new who excites our interest, inspires our personal development; they also incite a feeling of euphoria. It appears to be quite common to find take-charge sort of announcements pop up in our lives, and the determination to plow forth into our normal routine spans out of that same feeling. After *ahem* 30 years of living, and about half that time of dating – don’t judge me – I have learned that the most important lesson is the one I’ve mentioned before; Patience. There’s also another term that often is found quietly standing at P’s side, and that is Anticipation. See, they even sound alike!
My point here is based on a personal opinion, and I certainly understand if some would prefer to roll their eyes as I elaborate. So, here it is:
We as human beings tied to the information express lane that is the ‘interwebs’ have become accustomed to acquiring what we desire in any given moment, without pause. We don’t even have the ability – again, just my opinion – to wait for the right people to come into our lives and grace us with friendship, connection, and romance. I get it. Why bother, right? Why, indeed. But my point is, simply because in the click of a mouse a few selections of a scroll down variety will find us a mate, a social group, and a place to live, we are persuaded to believe that there is no longer any necessity to wait for the right timing.
I am a victim of this time period; I am no better than anyone else. My patience is tried, and often if I find I’m not pursuing my own list of goals, the questions will begin to pile up. Questions which will take time to be answered. Questions we all face, yet find difficulty in accepting the obvious; nothing is universal except the question itself. When will things get easier? The personal opinion in this case is not what most people seek, so I won’t bother to give it.
Relationships occupy the parts of our minds that seek to find a companion to make facing these questions easier. That’s the best part. What they do not accomplish – and its foolish to believe they will – is the obliteration of impatience.
Your relationship, in the best of times will help you glide through the emotionally and psychologically trying times of your life. Your relationship will not – ever – succeed in resolving all negative perceptions, or trials you may face. It also won’t necessarily make anything easier.
“Life with another person is always difficult.” ~ Yoko Ono
Some of us have simple desires, and I think the list of them gets shorter as we find ourselves age and develop; grow comfortable in our own skins.
Recently, a few couples I’m acquainted with were married. One girl whom I’ve known for over a decade called me up to gush over her honeymoon in Mexico. I was happy for her, giddily poking fun at how different she sounded; the woman grown out of the seed of a very young, very cynical girl. What stood out in the conversation was the ease with which she spoke. She confessed that she now – finally – felt she could relax in her daily life. Her reasoning was simple: with her husband by her side, who’d now found a professional role he could sink his teeth into, she felt she no longer had to concern herself with the question of stability. This was her ultimate preoccupation. How would she live as she aged and eventually decided to retire from the workforce. So, she was happy. She felt content enough not to worry about things like a home, which was immaculate every day. The present was laying down the platform which her future would rest upon. Quite a feeling!
Remember when the beginning of a school year felt as if it were miles away from its end? Remember when the end of a school period felt too soon, like the beginning had just passed? Our attempt, as wildly impatient – information hungry human beings – to find, capture and possess all which attains us a euphoric can-do spirit, all which seems to encompass ambivalence against the present obstacles, perhaps suffocates – even kill – the seed of a new exciting journey.
I myself have been on a journey to remain completely in the present. The question, which is still only a small seed, asks what I can be given that I cannot give myself. A realization came to me recently, which I hadn’t considered until another question came forth. What was the central meaning behind most arguments? For me, I believe it was the feeling of instability. But it remains inexcusable.
When the euphoria wears thin, and we are left with the old and true questions that have plagued us long before the wonderful induction of a new – and hopefully last – love story; our roles to play often present themselves from the very beginning, but we deny them. We try to keep dusting them with fantasy, and when that too thins, and reality feels laden with work, we fight.
Midterms in school are the worst. The middle hurdle when we begin to question why we enrolled in the classes at all; and yet we plow forward.
If you’re in love, and choose to remain that way; Acceptance, Forgiveness, Patience are the answers to questions we will remain asking in a lifetime and beyond. Until we realize that the one thing we wanted has – for some of us – been there, waiting.
Just because a relationship is work doesn’t mean we have to abandon the euphoria we found when it all began. Retaining it is about letting go of our perceptions of happiness. It’s about understanding what we want is not behind the click of a mouse or a scroll down menu. What these advertisements don’t tell us is how things will change when the feed isn’t censored to our liking. What it doesn’t say, is compromising what we want, for what we need is the best sacrifice we can ever achieve in our lifetimes.
I hope, that through all this forward moving technology, we do not forget to be grateful for the lesson each person who comes into our life gives.
I ultimately hope, that for everyone, we look within ourselves, and know that in the end who you are is the answer to any question, and the people we choose as our companions are simply twin souls who want to sit beside us, growing together, and apart, asking their own.
“At least I had that, one guy understood me.“~ Yoko Ono
and what a thing to have.